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Balakhane Mediation includes On-line Divorce and Family Mediation Services where all Mediation Sessions are conducted on-line. Contact us to learn more.

Divorce Mediation for Parents: One Less Fight the Children Witness

Separation and divorce has lasting and varied consequences for families. For children, their coping methods are heavily influenced by their parents’ relationship. If the separation is characterized by increased conflict, it creates a stressful environment for children. Divorce will certainly have a long-term impact on children; however, the emotional turmoil created by conflict will increase the negative effects endured by children caught in the middle of their parents’ separation. Thus, it is important to curb the amount of conflict in which you are involved for the sake of your children.

Legal proceedings inevitably cause conflict for spouses, and as a result, children may be exposed to a harmful, tempestuous environment while the divorce carries on. One way couples can prevent more conflict and see lasting positive outcomes is by choosing mediation over litigation.

One mediation study followed people who were randomly assigned to traditional litigation in court or mediation. The results were remarkable, with positive outcomes for family relationships twelve years later. Parents who chose mediation ended up significantly happier with the process and results, and both parents were more involved in their children’s lives than those who litigated. Children whose parents mediated their divorces had more contact with the parent they did not live with than children whose parents chose litigation.

Twelve years later:

  • 28 percent of children whose parents mediated saw their non-residential parent once a week, compared with 9 percent of parents who litigated.
  • 36 percent of litigating nonresidential parents had not seen their children in the past year, compared with 16 percent of mediating parents.
  • 52 percent of parents who mediated had weekly phone contact with their children, versus 14 percent of parents who litigated. These differences in telephone contact were particularly notable since many of the children had left home or moved away.

During mediation sessions, I help parents sort through, and more importantly, identify the emotions they are experiencing. Oftentimes, those in the midst of a conflict will experience anger, but that is only what appears on the surface. Once we delve deeper into that anger, we reveal sadness and grief. Recognizing this range of emotions is an important first step–it allows parents to work through their feelings and eventually learn how to manage them, which in turn helps them become more effective communicators during times of conflict. This open communication will improve negotiation between parents, leading to a happier outlook for everyone involved.

One of the best ways to overcome the negative effects of conflict in a divorce after legal proceedings is to establish an open dialogue among the people involved. A project featured in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy targets families wherein parents are entrenched in conflict and children are often caught in the middle.

The project, No Kids in the Middle, involved the help of professional counselors at two centers in the Netherlands and sought to help resolve conflict between parents for the well-being of children who are stuck in the middle of their parents’ divorce.

Researchers worked with children torn between parents who often engaged their children in conflicts relating to their failed marriage. Parents were observed embroiling their children in arguments where they were called upon to take the side of one parent or endured negative comments about their parents. This polarizing environment is confusing and stressful for children, resulting in a less-than-healthy context for emotional development.

The professionals in the study tried their utmost to convince parents to use reason and work together; however, cooperation was not always possible. In these cases, they advised parents to parent individually, without the pressure and influence of the other parent–in other words, they advised parents to ‘live and let live’.

If you are experiencing a lot of conflict with your spouse, step back and consider how fighting affects your children. It is easy to find yourself overwhelmed by the emotion of a divorce and in turn overlook the effect snide comments or passive aggressive actions may have on children caught in the middle. If these conflicts are impossible to overlook, it may be more feasible to parent individually.

The study sets an important example for couples who argue: counseling is an invaluable resource. Talking in a safe and open environment could be integral to the long-term happiness of your children.

If you have any questions or concerns about mediation, or would like to
schedule a no fee mediation consultation, please don’t hesitate to contact me today!

Leyla Balakhane is a Family Law Mediator in the Los Angeles area
and can be reached at 424.235.4173

Sue Gramacy
Sue Gramacy
October 25, 2022.
I recommend Leyla Balakhane for resolving family disputes. She listens carefully, appreciates the emotions and needs that underline each conversation . She is genuinely concerned with the well being of all parties involved. She is very effective. What’s great is she always focuses on the best interest of the children. I have worked with Leyla for over 10 years and have watched her work her magic with families. Sue Gramacy
Stacey Lisk
Stacey Lisk
October 14, 2022.
Leyla Balakhane was one of the supervising mediators that worked with us at Edmund D Edelman Children’s Court. Given that she was one of the top mediators working on unlawful detainer cases, she was referred by a judge who found her to be incredibly gifted in what she does and felt that she would be a great asset in working with families. Leyla has a natural ability to connect with the families and helping them reach agreements that is far above whats required. Given that she was very interested in growing in her practice, she was able to help create a more in-depth and detailed parenting checklist which led to a higher success rate in or mediations at the Children’s Court. Because of Leyla many families have more profound and insightful agreements. I would add supervising mediator
Your RN Attorney Jennifer Johnston Terando
Your RN Attorney Jennifer Johnston Terando
October 12, 2022.
Leyla Balakhane is knowledgable, compassionate, and effective. I highly recommend her as a mediator.
Shsavina TehrNi
Shsavina TehrNi
October 10, 2022.
Thank you Leyla for helping us finalize a very difficult journey. We are able to have a better coparenting relationship because of everything you taught us. We are both very grateful for helping us resolve all issues in an amicable manner.
Rachel Hsiung
Rachel Hsiung
March 17, 2022.
Leyla is professional, patient and wonderful person to work with. She’s a good negotiator and listener to help her clients to get amicable results.
Noah Stern
Noah Stern
October 9, 2021.
Layla is a superb mediator. She helped my family through a tough time with ease. I highly recommend Leyla for any family going through a challenging time.
sepideh doust
sepideh doust
March 28, 2021.
Leyla Balakhane was my supervising mediator at children's courthouse. She taught me great communication tools to implement in my mediation practice. She helps the family, social worker, attorneys, and others involved in the case facilitate meaningful discussion and resolve the issues sent to mediation. Her level of wisdom is uncanny. She is able to bring awareness for parents to make the best decision for their family. I would highly recommend her as a skilled mediator in the field of family mediation.
Zak Shapiro
Zak Shapiro
January 22, 2021.
Leyla is an exemplary mediator for couples going through a divorce. She has the couples best interest in mind at all times through out the mediation process. She truly supports couples in making the best decision for them, whether its to help work towards reconciliation or agree on divorce terms. She helps couple find creative and collaborative solutions for their division of assets and debts. She is patient and understanding of what both parties are going though, and she carefully and thoughtfully helps to find a solution. I Cannot recommend her enough!
Matthew Khorsandi
Matthew Khorsandi
September 28, 2020.
Leyla is an incredible mediator with a wealth of knowledge and experience. Most importantly, she genuinely cares for the people she works with. Highly recommend.